Clap your hands if you remember your 1st time..

This is not THAT kind of post.. lol..  but now that I have your attention.....
For the first time since I was 17, I’m TOTALLY single… been that way for almost 2 years.. By totally, I mean I don’t have any dealings of any kind with anybody!! No text buddies, no late night creeps, no cuddle buddies. NOTHING. I can actually leave my phone at home all day & the only person that MIGHT call is my mom… It’s kinda sad when I look at it in black & white lol!! & No, I wasn’t with the same person for 8 years but every time I got out of one “situation”, I jumped right into another one with no recuperation period…
In all honesty I settled in my last relationship. I NEVER intended for that to turn into anything other than us just chilling from time to time. But he was pressing the issue of us being more & because I was so used to having that companionship, I let it continue. And now, almost 5 years later, I’m emotionally, physically & mentally drained, distrustful & just now getting to a point where I'm regaining my sense of self love… That situation broke me down to basically nothing..

I always heard stories about people who were in abusive relationships but I never in a million years imagined that I would be one of those people. I’m tearing up as I recollect all the nights I cried myself to sleep…. I thought I would be ok to tell my story today, but I can’t bc my tears are threatening to spill over & I don’t want to risk that happening while I’m at work… so I'll just make the promise that I'll go into greater detail another day..

The moral of the story is that I now realize that I’m the only person that can allow heart break/sadness/depression to happen & I control what I think about myself… Never again will give a person that much power over me.